Saturday, June 6, 2009

What's His Motherfucking Name? Jigga!

He faded to Black. He took over Def Jam. Now, he is back doing something no one else in the rap game has been able to do. Some tried to avoid it, other's gave in to it, and many careers, as of late, have been built on it. Auto-Tune is the name and making you sound like you can sing is it's game. Now, for the R&B cats like Teddy Riley and the "Computer Love" generation, all the way up to T-Pain, it's expected. Plus, those cats have the ability and talent for singing without using Auto-Tune. For the modern day rappers, which I use the word rapper lightly, because there really aren't that many of them nowadays, it has gotten out of hand.

I have to say, even Lil Wayne has put too much of his breath through that little tube that tunes your voice perfectly. However, Lil Wayne also proved himself as one of the illest rappers alive with The Carter III, before experimenting with Auto-Tune. He gets a pass.

Jay-Z is back with The Blue Print 3. His new single is titled "Death of Auto-Tune" a.k.a. DOA. I have faith, that he can be "that dude", who can breathe life back into rhyming and make rappers stop singing into that tiny tube. Usually, when Hov speaks the masses follow. So Hov Roc on!

Monday, April 27, 2009

Man Up or Stand Down?

So the scenario goes, I am faced with a decision that is tearing me apart. This is not the first time I have had to travel down a path that is tricky and windy with confusion. I am at a crossroads at this time. Do I choose to travel down the known road or forge a blazing new path in a different direction?

2009 is supposed to be all about change. And I suppose, that ideal, has me included...somehow. But how do you find the strength to blaze a new trail or the words that create change?

(Wo)man up? Or stand down?

Although I don't condone bitchassness, I may be showing slight symptoms of that disease. Thinking about it, at times, has me feeling so sick. Like...Swine Flu.

Sometimes in life, we are faced with decisions that tend to be more than we think we can bear. I imagine most of you are already thinking "Man Up!" We all would like to think the decision is that easy. In some situations, it is. Matters of the heart, never are. When the decision calls for "Manning Up", which undoubtedly will hurt another, it seems we tend to stand down. Tonight, I pose the question, does "Standing Down" cause more harm then the hurt caused by "Manning Up"?

"I never saw a wild thing
sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself."
-D.H. Lawrence

Hand Outs

Tonight I left work with a few co-workers. A few drunk men walked behind us and one of them shouted in slurred speech, "Hey, you ladies homeless?" We all turned around to see what idiot was speaking and then ignored him and kept walking.
"If you are, I have a dollar and a half pence I could give each of you!"
Tired and offended, I stopped walking, turned around and said, "Then give it." He dug in his pocket and sure enough, kept his word. He dropped one dollar and fifty cents into my hand. I said, "Thanks, have a good night." His, "You too!" was drowned out by the laughter of my co-workers.

Economic Recession Tip #19.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Melanie Fiona

If you haven't heard the hot new single, you're slippin on an amazing vocal talent. Look out for her! And please make sure you give it to her right!

And just in case you STILL ain't convinced, here she is again giving it to you right, covering India Arie's "Ready For Love".

You "Brought It", but can you take it back? Please!

While channel surfing, I stumbled upon this. This is the result of commercial America taking something from the streets, ie: krumping, and trying to make it mainstream. As we tried to watch this particular scene in its entirety, one of us threw up in our mouth a little bit, while the other wanted to crawl under a table for them. Just watch. It's hilarious!!!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

CVS..."for all the ways you care."

"Yo, they got me son. They got me!"
Words spoken from someone...paranoid.

If you ever find yourself in a situation, or...lock yourself in a bathroom for two hours, just remember those times and know...weed, is NOT for YOU.

We've all had those times, nights and afternoons, when we swear to our gods, we will NEVER smoke...drink...or have unprotected sex again. After the paranoia, thoughts of friends' exploitations of you, the drunken nights praying to the porcelain god, the acute fear of herpes, or worse...babies, we make a commitment to make a better decision next time.

I found out recently that when you suspect you been acting like Smokey in the chicken coop, and you ain't got no one to call but your mama, or if you feeling a little unsure about things the morning after...CVS got you. They have a plethora of answers to your questions.

You may be wondering how I found out that CVS really DOES care about me. One morning, I questioned friendships. I found myself asking, "If they really got me the way I thought they did nine hours prior?" Nine hours ago I didn't know directions from my house to the party I was currently at (although, I drove there). I didn't know if my friends were cokeheads, like the extra-curricular party activities made me think they were. I didn't know if I really was even in Los Angeles anymore. The 30random texts I sent to close friends, made me realize that I needed to lay down.

The next morning, when I was filled in on my previous nights' behavior, after discussing it with my roommate, I called the only person I thought could help me figure it all out. A neighborhood CVS pharmacist.

Me: "Do you carry drug tests?"
CVS: "Yes, what kind do you need?"
Me: "The kind that can rekindle friendships or at the very least, let me know I ain't got got."
CVS: "Uh...well, we do have tests at this location. Do you want to know how much they cost?"
Me: "No, truth is..priceless."
CVS: "O...kay ma'am."


Taking a drug test in the confines of your home is similar to tests for an unwanted pregnancy. You are hoping for the best, while all the time knowing, it could very well be the worst. Could it be a baby? Cocaine? Or the simple fact that I NEVER need to hit the blunt again in life?

The test was negative. No Cocaine, no Meth, no shady drugs transported from Columbia. I didn't get "got". My friends aren't Cokeheads. Nothing was laced. I was just...High. So high off that Cali green, I kissed the sky...and called CVS.

Fortunately for me, CVS cared enough about me to help me figure it all out. I NEVER need to "puff, puff, get passed" again in life. As for rekindling friendships...they might not be exactly what they were, but they gave me a pass.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Everlasting Gobstoppers

We have realized over the past couple of weeks, that some of us are living in a misty haze of our own reality. These people are walking around creating fallacies in their minds, out of things that never existed. Reminding us of Willy Wonka's Everlasting Gobstopper Machine. When harsh reality hits, some of us tend to cope by processing this new information into a choicy cluster of goody-goodness.

Here are a few flavors:

"Don't call me ever again!"
"She's playing hard to get GRAPE GOBSTOPPER"

"I think you're cool."
+[Gobstopper Machine]=
"We should be in a monogamous relationship RASPBERRY GOBSTOPPER"

"I don't find you attractive."
+[Gobstopper Machine] =
"You think I'm fine as hell ORANGE GOBSTOPPER"

"My shit is complicated. We need to take it slow."
+[Gobstopper Machine] =
"I love you and we can make this work WATERMELON GOBSTOPPER"

"You're fired!"
+[Gobstopper Machine] =
"Should I come to work early Monday MANGO GOBSTOPPER"

"I have no money in my bank account."
+[Gobstopper Machine] =
"Let's buy up the bar BLUEBERRY GOBSTOPPER"

"I leave status updates every hour on Facebook."
+[Gobstopper Machine] =
"I'm not on Facebook regularly. I only use it for networking GREEN APPLE GOBSTOPPER"

"I like to be tied up, choked, and spanked."
+[Gobstopper Machine] =

"I'm going to file for a restraining order!"
+[Gobstopper Machine] =
"She's playing hard to get...again LEMON-LIME GOBSTOPPER"

As you can see, some coping mechanisms make life much more delicious to hear. Sometimes, the reality of the situation is what truly needs to be heard.

What's your flavor?