Saturday, June 6, 2009

What's His Motherfucking Name? Jigga!

He faded to Black. He took over Def Jam. Now, he is back doing something no one else in the rap game has been able to do. Some tried to avoid it, other's gave in to it, and many careers, as of late, have been built on it. Auto-Tune is the name and making you sound like you can sing is it's game. Now, for the R&B cats like Teddy Riley and the "Computer Love" generation, all the way up to T-Pain, it's expected. Plus, those cats have the ability and talent for singing without using Auto-Tune. For the modern day rappers, which I use the word rapper lightly, because there really aren't that many of them nowadays, it has gotten out of hand.

I have to say, even Lil Wayne has put too much of his breath through that little tube that tunes your voice perfectly. However, Lil Wayne also proved himself as one of the illest rappers alive with The Carter III, before experimenting with Auto-Tune. He gets a pass.

Jay-Z is back with The Blue Print 3. His new single is titled "Death of Auto-Tune" a.k.a. DOA. I have faith, that he can be "that dude", who can breathe life back into rhyming and make rappers stop singing into that tiny tube. Usually, when Hov speaks the masses follow. So Hov Roc on!

Monday, April 27, 2009

Man Up or Stand Down?

So the scenario goes, I am faced with a decision that is tearing me apart. This is not the first time I have had to travel down a path that is tricky and windy with confusion. I am at a crossroads at this time. Do I choose to travel down the known road or forge a blazing new path in a different direction?

2009 is supposed to be all about change. And I suppose, that ideal, has me included...somehow. But how do you find the strength to blaze a new trail or the words that create change?

(Wo)man up? Or stand down?

Although I don't condone bitchassness, I may be showing slight symptoms of that disease. Thinking about it, at times, has me feeling so sick. Like...Swine Flu.

Sometimes in life, we are faced with decisions that tend to be more than we think we can bear. I imagine most of you are already thinking "Man Up!" We all would like to think the decision is that easy. In some situations, it is. Matters of the heart, never are. When the decision calls for "Manning Up", which undoubtedly will hurt another, it seems we tend to stand down. Tonight, I pose the question, does "Standing Down" cause more harm then the hurt caused by "Manning Up"?

"I never saw a wild thing
sorry for itself.
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
without ever having felt sorry for itself."
-D.H. Lawrence

Hand Outs

Tonight I left work with a few co-workers. A few drunk men walked behind us and one of them shouted in slurred speech, "Hey, you ladies homeless?" We all turned around to see what idiot was speaking and then ignored him and kept walking.
"If you are, I have a dollar and a half pence I could give each of you!"
Tired and offended, I stopped walking, turned around and said, "Then give it." He dug in his pocket and sure enough, kept his word. He dropped one dollar and fifty cents into my hand. I said, "Thanks, have a good night." His, "You too!" was drowned out by the laughter of my co-workers.

Economic Recession Tip #19.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Melanie Fiona

If you haven't heard the hot new single, you're slippin on an amazing vocal talent. Look out for her! And please make sure you give it to her right!




And just in case you STILL ain't convinced, here she is again giving it to you right, covering India Arie's "Ready For Love".


You "Brought It", but can you take it back? Please!

While channel surfing, I stumbled upon this. This is the result of commercial America taking something from the streets, ie: krumping, and trying to make it mainstream. As we tried to watch this particular scene in its entirety, one of us threw up in our mouth a little bit, while the other wanted to crawl under a table for them. Just watch. It's hilarious!!!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

CVS..."for all the ways you care."

"Yo, they got me son. They got me!"
Words spoken from someone...paranoid.

If you ever find yourself in a situation, or...lock yourself in a bathroom for two hours, just remember those times and know...weed, is NOT for YOU.

We've all had those times, nights and afternoons, when we swear to our gods, we will NEVER smoke...drink...or have unprotected sex again. After the paranoia, thoughts of friends' exploitations of you, the drunken nights praying to the porcelain god, the acute fear of herpes, or worse...babies, we make a commitment to make a better decision next time.

I found out recently that when you suspect you been acting like Smokey in the chicken coop, and you ain't got no one to call but your mama, or if you feeling a little unsure about things the morning after...CVS got you. They have a plethora of answers to your questions.

You may be wondering how I found out that CVS really DOES care about me. One morning, I questioned friendships. I found myself asking, "If they really got me the way I thought they did nine hours prior?" Nine hours ago I didn't know directions from my house to the party I was currently at (although, I drove there). I didn't know if my friends were cokeheads, like the extra-curricular party activities made me think they were. I didn't know if I really was even in Los Angeles anymore. The 30random texts I sent to close friends, made me realize that I needed to lay down.

The next morning, when I was filled in on my previous nights' behavior, after discussing it with my roommate, I called the only person I thought could help me figure it all out. A neighborhood CVS pharmacist.

Me: "Do you carry drug tests?"
CVS: "Yes, what kind do you need?"
Me: "The kind that can rekindle friendships or at the very least, let me know I ain't got got."
CVS: "Uh...well, we do have tests at this location. Do you want to know how much they cost?"
Me: "No, truth is..priceless."
CVS: "O...kay ma'am."

Click.

Taking a drug test in the confines of your home is similar to tests for an unwanted pregnancy. You are hoping for the best, while all the time knowing, it could very well be the worst. Could it be a baby? Cocaine? Or the simple fact that I NEVER need to hit the blunt again in life?

The test was negative. No Cocaine, no Meth, no shady drugs transported from Columbia. I didn't get "got". My friends aren't Cokeheads. Nothing was laced. I was just...High. So high off that Cali green, I kissed the sky...and called CVS.

Fortunately for me, CVS cared enough about me to help me figure it all out. I NEVER need to "puff, puff, get passed" again in life. As for rekindling friendships...they might not be exactly what they were, but they gave me a pass.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Everlasting Gobstoppers

We have realized over the past couple of weeks, that some of us are living in a misty haze of our own reality. These people are walking around creating fallacies in their minds, out of things that never existed. Reminding us of Willy Wonka's Everlasting Gobstopper Machine. When harsh reality hits, some of us tend to cope by processing this new information into a choicy cluster of goody-goodness.

Here are a few flavors:

"Don't call me ever again!"
+[GOBSTOPPER MACHINE]=
"She's playing hard to get GRAPE GOBSTOPPER"


"I think you're cool."
+[Gobstopper Machine]=
"We should be in a monogamous relationship RASPBERRY GOBSTOPPER"


"I don't find you attractive."
+[Gobstopper Machine] =
"You think I'm fine as hell ORANGE GOBSTOPPER"


"My shit is complicated. We need to take it slow."
+[Gobstopper Machine] =
"I love you and we can make this work WATERMELON GOBSTOPPER"


"You're fired!"
+[Gobstopper Machine] =
"Should I come to work early Monday MANGO GOBSTOPPER"


"I have no money in my bank account."
+[Gobstopper Machine] =
"Let's buy up the bar BLUEBERRY GOBSTOPPER"


"I leave status updates every hour on Facebook."
+[Gobstopper Machine] =
"I'm not on Facebook regularly. I only use it for networking GREEN APPLE GOBSTOPPER"


"I like to be tied up, choked, and spanked."
+[Gobstopper Machine] =
"I'm not a Freak STRAWBERRY GOBSTOPPER"


"I'm going to file for a restraining order!"
+[Gobstopper Machine] =
"She's playing hard to get...again LEMON-LIME GOBSTOPPER"


As you can see, some coping mechanisms make life much more delicious to hear. Sometimes, the reality of the situation is what truly needs to be heard.

What's your flavor?

Friday, April 17, 2009

A Margarita-ish Thursday

This is our drunken blog.

So...welcome to our Thursday night. We had no intention of going out, but sometimes things change after you sit and unwind. We just got back in from a magarita-ish night. As I sit here, leaned to the side, I wonder a few things:

Tonight I pose the question of:
Could the economic recession be also good for your health?
When is it too old to be at the club still chasing?
At what point do you consult friends before pressing 'Send'?
Do you allow drunken strangers in windows to influence your food choices at 2am?

The beginning of our night, started with a casual stroll up San Vincente Blvd on our way to Santa Monica Blvd, thanks to what we thought was a phenomenal parking spot we found. That was until we realized, we had ten minutes before last call for two-for-one drinks. What began as our Thursday evening stroll, turned into, almost a full fledged 100 meter dash when we realized, (after seeing a random boy being forced into a gay older mans' BMW against his drunken will) we had ten minutes to get to the bar. This is why the economic recession could very well be good for your health.

We left the first spot and moved to the next where we witnessed severe pelvic thrusting. It's one thing to be at the club, chilling, with your partner, getting a few drinks on the scene. It's another (and yes, this actually took place) to be pelvic thrusting on a girl's booty at the bar, to the beat of Salt-N-Pepa's "Push It", when you're...over 40. When is it time to...stay home? Or, at the very least, ease up on the pelvic thrusting?

After escaping, what seemed to be inescapable, (i.e a cornball that we know showing unwanted love, a bachlorette party that contained only two invitees who repeatedly closed the curtain to the rest of their imaginary VIP section), one of us ( I won't say who), decided to casually send drunken texts, without the other knowing.

FYI: Things like drunken texts, drunken phone calls, or even perhaps leaving the club with a suspected strobelight honey, are all things that need to be approved through accompanying friends.

It wouldn't have been much of an issue if "said friend" didn't act like they were just possibly checking a few messages on their BlackBerry. Instead, one later finds out, they were actually sending...drunk texts.

However, these alleged drunk texts led to a bit of truth. One has found that when sending texts after 1am, you have actually stumbled into what I would like to call, "Honesty Hour" or "The Landmine". A time when you might possibly get your face blown off and may have to pick it up off the floor. Tonight was a landmine night, not to be dodged.

I found out tonight that the one I thought of as a "Cuddle Buddy", not to be confused with Cutty Buddy, might just have terminated the agreement without me ever knowing. The realization of this at 3AM, rather than the standard sober 3PM, was not digested well, especially because "patron got me in the zone."

If I had consulted with a friend before hitting 'send,' and was talked out of it, as you usually are by a caring friend, I could have handled this at an appropriate time in the day and acted, well...accordingly.

Instead, we passed by a taco spot on our way back to what we thought was a phenomenal parking spot (which ended up being 3 miles away from our final "last call"), and saw a man in the window eating what looked like a mexican fiesta of goodness on a plate. Drunk. Hungry. Blown up by a landmine and needing substanance to get home, we stopped in. The .79 cent sign in the window confirmed a good economic recession decision.

Although we ordered two separate chicken and beef tacos, we still don't know if what one of us ate was actually poultry. What we do know is, we won't be returning and no longer will be influenced by patrons in the window when we're off the Patron.

So what we learned tonight is, once you hit a certain age, you'll have to stay home or at the very least, stop thrusting your pelvis at the bar. And definitely, no more Patron + Cell + Send. Cause all of that equals Landmine Face.

Is it just me?

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Air Yeezy!

It seems like Kanye West is always finding a new way to touch the sky. It wasn't just a song for him. He is most definitely soaring to new heights being the first artist, not athlete, to have his own shoe line with Nike. Yes yes ya'll, the Air Yeezy has arrived.



The Air Yeezy is undoubtedly inspired by the Air Jordan III, but has Kanyeezy's unique and fresh touch. Being that Kanye had a "Glow in the Dark" tour, it would only be right that the Air Yeezy had a glow in the dark element. For all you sneakerheads, they are definitely something to drool over!

Drooling, however, might be all you ever do. The Air Yeezy's are being released in three different color palates, with their own individual release dates. The first of the colors, Zen Gray, has already come and gone. The release date was April 6th. Even the homie, who works at Nike, had to scramble and slick talk her way into buying a pair. She did get them though. I am a hater and she better never wear them around me.

The next two colors will be Black/Pink and then Net/Net. The Black Air Yeezy's official release date is May 2, 2009. The Net Air Yeezy's are said to be released in early June. My fate is already sealed with owning a pair of Air Yeezy's. One, I am officially too grown to be camping out for a pair of sneakers, which by the way is the only way you are going to get them. Two, we are in an economic recession, Suze Orman has told me to stash my cash and that is what I plan to do. Sorry Yeezy, $215, I can't do it. I will always take donations though, if you want to send me a pair!!! I'm just saying.

For all of you that got it better than me, are willing to camp out, and ain't phased by Suze Orman's financial advice, more power to you! For the rest of you, here are some pictures. Enjoy!




Gotta love Mr. West! Say what you will about his ego, which he has mentioned on his blog, he's working on it. The man is crazy talented and you have to respect his artistry! Check out Yeezy's blog!

Making the Band 4

Has anyone been watching the madness that is Making the Band 4?

Usually Making the Band is chalked full of "boom kats" given by Laurie Ann Gibson, songs with catchy ass hooks, and shameless plugs by Diddy. Most of us can say that it has become another reality show guilty pleasure added to the long list that already stands.

However, this season's studio sessions,"boom kats" and catchy ass hooks were upstaged by silly ass hats, everyone choosing to wear their outerwear inside (did Diddy turn off the heat?), and more importantly one particular person's Bitchassness.

Quanell Mosley, otherwise known as Q, has made himself look like the biggest bitch in the history of Making the Band. I really don't think he can ever come back from it. Most of us were ready to see Diddy kick him out of the band. Either he lost his mind during this season, developed a drug habit, or he was going for the motto "all publicity is good publicity." Which in his case, was not true. Maybe if he was a bitch for one, even two episodes, I could have let him slide. We all have our moments. But the WHOLE season? Every episode was about Q arguing, whining, or even fighting someone. Which leads me to the question, "Why are you so angry Q?" Could it be that you have something bottled up? Maybe your true sexuality? (Dawn, wake up! He rolled his eyes, sucked his teeth, and swiveled his neck while talking).

I like Day 26. I believe they are some talented brothers with great voices. "Put It On Her" is catchy and now that Diddy has drilled it in our heads, I can't help but like it. However, after this season, I can do without Q. And really, who is he about to "put it on?"

So at the beginning of the season, before we knew the extent of how bad Q was going to show his ass, my roommate and I were inspired by Making the Band 4. We were inspired so much, we created the video below. We thought it only right to post today, seeing as how the 2 hour finale is tonight. Let's watch Q show his ass some more.

video

Brave New Voices

If you haven't heard, cause you've just been too busy, maybe just slipping or perhaps just grinding hard during this economic recession shit and haven't had the time, you gotta check this out.

Russell Simmons' new HBO series called 'Brave New Voices'.

A documentary about young, spoken word slam artists, from all over the country (produced by Stan Lathan and narrated by Queen Latifah).

There's a young artist, B Yung from Brooklyn, that spits fire. His delivery is exceptional and his passion is undeniable. It's hard to not notice, rewind and stand up. I don't have to tell you which one he is, but I 'll add a clip for all those that deleted HBO from their cable channels in the name of saving some cash.



You got the internet still, I know you do, check for him.
Catch him on Facebook, MySpace, or his blog here:
www.brookyung.blogspot.com

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Book Face?

I regularly question if I seriously need an intervention.

My mind is on Facebook, when I should be figuring out schedules, light bulb order requests, conference call agendas and whatever else comes with a full-time job. Or even perhaps, doing the dishes, my laundry, or balancing my checkbook. Instead, I spend time running back and forth, refreshing my homepage. Checking for status updates, comments and notifications. Scoping for those special people I've been checking for...hourly. Hawking other people's conversations, responses and updates that I have nothing to do with.


My involvement with being a book face causes me to leave messages for people I haven't heard from in years, but suddenly find myself needing to know what they are doing every hour of every day. I'm realizing that what started off as a way to keep in touch with people, has maybe become a more modern way to...stalk. No more lurking in bushes behind dark corners, rolling through in front of their jobs, choosing to be at the same spot at the same time..."coincidentally". I can put that all behind me now, cause now all I need is a notification. An "I'll be here tonight...", status update sorta deal.


Even right now, as I type this, I've refreshed my Facebook page three times. I can't help it. I entertain the thought that this is all okay because they're my "friends". The fact that I've uploaded a mobile version, makes me think that this is all getting way too out of hand, but damn, they make it so easy.


It doesn't stop there though, when I get home, first thing on is the computer. My homepage...Facebook. It used to be just a list in my Favorites. I knew it was bad when I felt guilty for not paying enough attention to my MySpace. So much so, that I consider the possibility of ending the Space relationship.


I was up until 2AM last night, frantically trying to respond to each status update that little red box in the right hand corner notified me of. Meanwhile, those friends were probably long asleep in the REM state.


I used to be a social butterfly. Always at the parties, always out. Things haven't changed so much, I'm still out, but now, I'm mobile. I'm at the bar...checking. I'm in the bathroom line...refreshing. I'm on the dance floor...updating. Has it gone too far?

So the underlying question of this addiction is, if we didn't have this connection, would we continue to reach out and connect? Yes, we have the phone numbers to call, but we don't. I got a voicemail from a friend last night and his message was, "I guess if I don't join Facebook, we may never speak again." He might be right. Another friend recently commented that they had, "Never seen me this active on Facebook." It wasn't so long ago that I received emails from various friends inviting me to join the site. My response, "WTF is that?" It used to be a college networking site that got blown out of the water by MySpace. Now, my addiction.



We could discuss how these social networking sites are creating a lack of face-to-face human connections. Or how we've become too lazy to pick up the phone. Or even why the first question after meeting someone interesting is, "Do you have a Facebook?" Ask yourself if you would ever keep in touch with even half of the people on your friends' list. Yeah, you could spend a lot of time pondering all of this. But here's what's got me stumped, why do I spend time conversing with my roommate on FaceBook, when she's in the next room?



So the question remains, do I need an intervention?



Is it just me?