Tuesday, April 21, 2009

CVS..."for all the ways you care."

"Yo, they got me son. They got me!"
Words spoken from someone...paranoid.

If you ever find yourself in a situation, or...lock yourself in a bathroom for two hours, just remember those times and know...weed, is NOT for YOU.

We've all had those times, nights and afternoons, when we swear to our gods, we will NEVER smoke...drink...or have unprotected sex again. After the paranoia, thoughts of friends' exploitations of you, the drunken nights praying to the porcelain god, the acute fear of herpes, or worse...babies, we make a commitment to make a better decision next time.

I found out recently that when you suspect you been acting like Smokey in the chicken coop, and you ain't got no one to call but your mama, or if you feeling a little unsure about things the morning after...CVS got you. They have a plethora of answers to your questions.

You may be wondering how I found out that CVS really DOES care about me. One morning, I questioned friendships. I found myself asking, "If they really got me the way I thought they did nine hours prior?" Nine hours ago I didn't know directions from my house to the party I was currently at (although, I drove there). I didn't know if my friends were cokeheads, like the extra-curricular party activities made me think they were. I didn't know if I really was even in Los Angeles anymore. The 30random texts I sent to close friends, made me realize that I needed to lay down.

The next morning, when I was filled in on my previous nights' behavior, after discussing it with my roommate, I called the only person I thought could help me figure it all out. A neighborhood CVS pharmacist.

Me: "Do you carry drug tests?"
CVS: "Yes, what kind do you need?"
Me: "The kind that can rekindle friendships or at the very least, let me know I ain't got got."
CVS: "Uh...well, we do have tests at this location. Do you want to know how much they cost?"
Me: "No, truth is..priceless."
CVS: "O...kay ma'am."


Taking a drug test in the confines of your home is similar to tests for an unwanted pregnancy. You are hoping for the best, while all the time knowing, it could very well be the worst. Could it be a baby? Cocaine? Or the simple fact that I NEVER need to hit the blunt again in life?

The test was negative. No Cocaine, no Meth, no shady drugs transported from Columbia. I didn't get "got". My friends aren't Cokeheads. Nothing was laced. I was just...High. So high off that Cali green, I kissed the sky...and called CVS.

Fortunately for me, CVS cared enough about me to help me figure it all out. I NEVER need to "puff, puff, get passed" again in life. As for rekindling friendships...they might not be exactly what they were, but they gave me a pass.


  1. LMFAO @ CVS drug tests. More importantly....LMFAO @ rekindling friendships.

  2. Choose better friends..